Guide to Grooming

Facial hair, one of the many milestones of male pattern pubescence, is perhaps the most distinguishing characteristic of masculinity. In a few days growth, stubble can transform a sensitive boy into a gritty ass kicker. A man who answers to no one. Especially his wife, who's pleas to ditch the fuzz are met with cold, manly bruteness.

I personally try to keep my manliness at bay. I'm not to keen on my face being abrasive as a scouring pad. But, in the last week at work, I was fighting the good fight, and grooming became the first casualty. Now, after 7 days, I've grown the longest beard I've ever attempted and I feel a bit cheated that it isn't longer. There is something about the growth rate and fullness of a man's beard that signals to all others his degree of manliness. I'm afraid I'm not the pile of testosterone I thought I was after running 20 miles this past week.